So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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