her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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