the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
