Me too!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
