I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
