Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
