took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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