You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
