All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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