if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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