Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
