dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your penis caused this!
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