Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
