i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
