You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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