my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
