I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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