there's paper in my vomit.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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