YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
