Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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