there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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