AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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