We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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