His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize