YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
