Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
