No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
