My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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