I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
