So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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