Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
