Fine. I'll sleep in my office
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
