The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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