About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
