I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
