and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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