it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
