man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
