**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
