Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
