sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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