can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
