i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
