We're facebook friends in real life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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