turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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