you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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