Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
