I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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