JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
