I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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