I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
