Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize