We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
