I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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