I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
