If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
