she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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