he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
