3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
