Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
