If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
