Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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