it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
