i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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