we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
