I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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