i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
