I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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