I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
