Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
