The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
