bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
