I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
