I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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